Tag: Mental health

Toxic Leadership

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We have focused on leadership and the key attributes of great leaders so far this week.  Today we will look at the worst type of leader and raise your awareness to the behaviors of insecure leaders.

For many of us that have been in the workforce for a few years, we have experienced many different types of leaders.  There are those that are inspirational, motivating, thoughtful, mentors and unafraid to build great teams with people that are more skilled then them in many areas.  Then there are leaders that do not belong in a position of leadership – Insecure leaders.

Insecure leaders are dangers. Dictionary.com shows the reason why these leaders can be dangerous. Insecurity is defined as being, “subject to fear & doubt, anxious, a risk & danger, and not firmly or reliably placed.” When insecurity is present in a leaders life it becomes a cap to their influence and effectiveness. It hurts the people around them, and the organization.

Insecure leaders are highly threatened by the truth, by facts, by transparency and by honesty.  In order to protect their lofty, undeserved positions of power, they campaign against talented people that pose a threat to their positions.  They lie, they commit to tasks that they never deliver upon, they mislead co-workers, they fail to communicate, they miss deadlines, they undermine all positive things and worst of all, they are toxic to the companies they work for, creating environments of distrust and ineffectiveness.  They make excuses about every deadline they miss or every project they fail to do because they say “I was too  busy”, “I have too many other things to do”, “I did not understand the process”, or “I don’t care about the process, I just needed to get something done”.  Of course, all that means is that the people that know how to get it done right will now have to fix it, wasting much more time and creating both employee and client dissatisfaction.

Insecure leaders like to distract employees and business partners by focusing on tasks that are not important or do not create customer or employee benefit/value.  They want to find that one nugget of information that substantiates their beliefs so they can use it to their advantage and create a hostile environment.  This is how they maintain control.  This “rope a dope” technique of focusing people on unimportant, irrelevant topics is part of their modus operandi to distract their co-workers from focusing on their leadership and managerial inadequacies.  They are the masters of publicly agreeing to key strategies in meetings with their bosses, only to undermine these decisions in conversations with their subordinates.  You might hear a statement like, “Although this was the agreed to decision, it will never work”, or “This is what I committed to, but let’s do it this way.” Have you heard any of these before?

A leader who is insecure cannot successfully lead those around them. This is because their actions, attitude, and motives are controlled and driven by their personal insecurity. Below are some negative characteristics and unhealthy aspects of an insecure leader:

  • They control people, systems, polices, and are micro managers.
  • They avoid partnering or hiring smart, talented, and people better then themselves.
  • They create an insecure work environment.
  • They avoid moving outside of their comfort zone.
  • They resist personal, organizational, or team growth or change.
  • They avoid calculated risks because of the fear of failure.
  • They don’t encourage or empower their people.
  • They guard against building open and strong relationships.
  • They see others through their insecurity.

Great leaders and great companies identify this type of leader immediately and take action.  The behaviors are painfully obvious.  Great companies rid themselves of these insecure leaders and more importantly, stop hiring people with these traits.  Great leaders do not listen to these insecure leaders, they do not fall for their unhealthy charm or their “opinions” of other co-workers that are threatening to their existence.  Insecure leaders do not care about the company or their co-workers.  They only care about themselves, their careers and feeding their egos at the expense of others.

No person or leader, however good they might be, is exempt from potentially becoming or being insecure. This is why it’s essential to be able to identify and eliminate insecurity from our life. To do this I suggest:

Lead yourself – The most important person you can lead is yourself.  An important aspect to leading is to become self aware. This mean you are aware and comfortable with your strengths, weaknesses, personality, temperament, and emotions. You know you have been uniquely made and you accept it. A powerful way to avoid insecurity is to be aware and have control of your inwards thoughts and dialog.

Develop trusted relationships- The people in your inner circle will either lead you forward or hold you back. This is why it’s essential to build friendships with secure, positive, and confident people. When you have trusted relationships, those people can help you spot areas you need to change (Insecurity is one area) and be a support for you.

Do you know any leaders like this?  If you do, call your CEO now and tell them.

Webman

Who Are You?

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My friend Elizabeth found the following wisdom and suggested that I share it with you.  You will notice a very common them from last week’s Comfortably Numb http://wp.me/p1WXuM-ut  blog focused on doing the best you can do regardless of the mediocrity and excuses around you.  This is a re-post of some additional recommendations on getting you to focus on success.  Original article can be found at:

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130328120321-36052017-be-a-hero-five-steps-to-vanquish-any-problem?ref=email

1. No problem — Take the challenge

There is no such thing as a problem. What you call “a problem” is not a thing independent of you, but a situation you don´t like. It is “a problem for you.” To deal with it more effectively, put yourself in the picture. Think of it as your challenge. Take the difficulty as an opportunity to show your true colors.

I often catch myself saying, “the real problem is…” followed by the thought, “…that you don´t agree with me!” Equally often, my counterpart argues that “the real problem is…” that I don´t agree with him. Unless we recognize and give up these bad stories, we will each push hard to overcome the other. Push versus push equals stuck: a very expensive stalemate where we both spend tremendous energy for no result.

2. Drop “Who’s responsible?” – Be response-able

You didn’t do it. So what? You are suffering from it. People and things are out of control. It is tempting to blame them and play the part of the innocent victim. Don’t. The price of innocence is impotence. That which you blame you empower. Become the hero of the story; focus on what you can do to respond to your challenge.

The inspiring question is not, “why is this happening to me!” but “what is the best I can do when this happens?”

I once coached a financial services executive who would always blame external factors: regulation, competition, the economy, his employees, his boss, his peers. All these forces did impinge on his goals. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. The truth that he refused to accept, the one that blocked his growth, was that he was able to respond to these forces. (See the coaching questions I use, here.)

3. Forget what you don´t want – Focus on what you want.

Consider an issue that troubles you. What would you like to have happen? I ask this every time I coach. Infallibly, I learn what my client would like to not have happen anymore. This is a bad end for a hero´s journey. Avoiding what you don´t want will take your energy away from achieving what you do want.

Your brain doesn’t compute “no”. What you try to avoid you unconsciously create. If you don´t believe this, try to not think of a white bear right now and notice where your mind goes. Define a positive outcome precisely. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” and visualize it in as much detail as you can. This will force you to put some flesh on the conceptual bones. Furthermore, ask yourself, “How would I know that I got what I wanted? What would I see? What would I feel?” In this way you will be sure that your vision has observable standards by which to measure success.

4. Take one eye off the ball – Go for the gold.

It’s not about hitting the ball; it’s about winning the game. Set your mind on what you are ultimately trying to achieve. Build a chain from means to ends, taking you from getting the job, to advancing your career, to feeling professionally fulfilled, to being happy. The ultimate goal and measure of success is happiness.

“What would you get, if you achieved X, which is even more important to you than X?” Ask yourself this question and discover that you never ask for what you really want—and neither does anybody else. We all ask for what we think is going to give us what we really want. Have you ever bought set of golf clubs hoping they would make you play better? And what would you get, if you played better, which is even more important to you than playing better?

5. Failure is not an option – Succeed beyond success.

Commit fully to achieve what you really want. Know that you deserve it and give it your best. This will make you more likely to get it. Success, however, is not the most important thing. To be a hero, pursue your goal ethically, as an expression of your highest values. Success may give you pleasure, but integrity leads to happiness.

Have a great day!

Webman

Hello, Hello

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You say “Yes“, I say “No”. You say “Stop” and I say “Go, go, go”. Oh no. You say “Goodbye” and I say “Hello, hello, hello”. I don’t know why you say “Goodbye”, I say “Hello, hello, hello”. I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello. I say “High”, you say Low”. You say “Why?” And I say “I don’t know”. Oh no. You say “Goodbye” and I say “Hello, hello, hello”. I don’t know why you say “Goodbye”, I say “Hello, hello, hello”. (Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye.)

From the Beatles – Hello Goodbye

hello

So hello everyone.  Thank you for your patience.  I said a new blog was coming soon, but a long time has passed.  Well today is the day and I am thrilled to be back in the blog saddle.

The power of saying hello.  Such a simple thing to do, so why don’t more people do it?  Are you a person that says hello or just walks by?  Saying hello to a stranger on the street is one thing, but how about your co-workers?  How many times have you walked past a co-worker in the hall/corridor and said nothing, even if you know them?  How many times does this happen to you?  Do you wonder, why didn’t he/she say hello to me?  Did I do something?  Are they pissed at me or the world?  Do you even care? Do they even care?

While a simple gesture, like saying “hello” or “good morning” daily to your colleagues can help to reinforce a respectful (and friendly) workplace, there’s more to it than that. Taking the time to acknowledge and learn more about your co-workers is what turns a workplace into a community.

Saying hello makes people smile.  Sure we are all busy; sure we all have too much to do; but, whatever happened to common decency and respect?  You’re thinking about that impending due date or that e-mail message you probably shouldn’t have sent. You’re thinking, I have to go to another useless meeting. To accomplish daily goals and get where we’re trying to go, we feel that we have to block out the stimuli around us. We put on perceptual blinders to conserve mental energy, allowing us to focus on the task at hand.

But these blinders also leave us less aware of what’s happening around us. You’re less connected to other members of your community/workplace when you walk briskly down the hall, head down, lost in thought, thumbing through your iPhone or looking at your computer.

Whether or not we mean to, we send a message when we do this. While you know that you’re a friendly and welcoming person (Maybe you are not :)) who’s just temporarily busy, distracted or running late, passersby form less generous impressions. And, thus, a company full of personable and warm individuals inadvertently becomes less hospitable in the aggregate—particularly in the eyes of anyone who already had doubts regarding his or her own social/intellectual identity at work.

So this week, make sure to say hello. Say it to the casual acquaintance, the co-worker, even to a person that is sitting in a meeting that you do not know.  Walk straight up to them and say “Hello”. In those few minutes before your meeting starts, don’t use the time to fire off one last email; instead, make the minimal effort required to introduce yourself to the guy/girl next to you.

So Why Does Saying “Hello” Help?

1. It boosts our own self-esteem when we take the time to acknowledge others.
2. It esteems and values others when we recognize and acknowledge them.
3. It reinforces relationships and the willingness to help each other.
4. When coupled with a smile, a simple “hello” can’t help but put the greeter into a good mood.

Try It Today

Say “hello” (with a smile) to at least 3 people at your workplace and see what happens!

A little tuneage for you to start the week.

Webman

Are You Resolute?

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Resolute – firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion.

What percent of Americans make New Years resolutions? 45%

How many keep them? 8%

Are you resolute?  Did you make a New Years resolution?  How committed are you to change and success in 2013?  Going along with the flow?  Swaying with the bamboo?  Are you committed to your own personal success?

Time to grab a glove and get in the game!  Time to get noticed, have people sit up and say “Whoa, that was awesome!”

Well the ball is in your court! (Enough sports references already) 🙂

Came across this terrific infographic over the holidays.  Check it out. Who are you?

Success

Thank you to MaryEllen Tribby (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maryellen-tribby)/ for this awesome representation.  Take a good look at this and reflect now on what behaviors you practice everyday (Be honest with yourself).  We all know too many people that exhibit the behaviors of unsuccessful people.  Sometimes we emulate their behavior because we think it will help us get that promotion or the recognition, so why can’t we do the same thing right?  Wrong, so wrong.  Do not compromise who you are.  Be a leader.

Have integrity, do not compromise what is right and most of all do not exhibit the behaviors of unsuccessful people.  They do not work.  Look in the mirror.  Who are You?

And that of course reminds me of a song:

Happy New Year!

Webman

Growth – What is your Metric?

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Most of us are focused on professional and personal success.  We set goals, we measure them, we track progress, we modify as required, we drop those that are no longer important and we add new ones based on changing times, conditions and experiences.  What are your metrics for growth?  How do you define growth and success?  What are you focused on?

If you have worked in the corporate world, your professional success in measured in the impact you make on the business, the ratings that you receive in your performance reviews, the raises that come with it, the occasional promotion, the relocation for the next opportunity, considering career moves to other companies to accelerate your growth curve, focusing on what is necessary to get three levels above where you are.  If you work for very competitive companies, it is an up or out mentality, and the under performers get left behind.  So you need to set different goals to make sure that you are competitive – go back to school, take on-line courses, find mentors, get more political, make sure you are standing out from the crowd, being different.

All of these areas are crucial for professional growth in a highly competitive company. Do these things well, kick ass and take names and you will benefit from increases in your income that provides you with the buying powers that you strive for.  You want income growth, you want to demonstrate your success to your peers, your family, your friends.  For those in the corporate world, do you remember the first time you went to your bosses home?  Impressive huh!  I want to live in a place like this.  Or how about when you hopped in their car for a team dinner and you found yourself sitting in that BMW you have been admiring but not yet in position to get,  Hmmmmm.  This is sweet, I need to get one of those.

So many of us really focus on growing our income as a primary measurement of growth and success.  We get that fine home, great car, make some money in the markets, take that fine vacation, send your kids to the best schools, join the country club, you know all of the status symbols that we hold in such high regard.  Hey, when you look good you feel good.

Of course there is a considerable downside to this measurement of growth.  What happens if you don’t get that raise or it is less than anticipated? What happens if you are impacted by a layoff?  What happens if your boss is a real jerk and you flip him or her off by mistake or just when you are bitching about them to a colleague, you turn around and they are standing being you?  Unfortunate, yes.  Just one event, just one disturbance in the force can impact your success.  So if you do not have a straight path to more income have you failed?  Are you still growing?  Are you any good?

But why do we primarily focus on one measure, financial, as a sign of growth? If I get a 10 percent raise next year but eat less healthy food, spend less time with close and extended community, or do more self-serving work, did I really grow? Just because the number is easy to measure, is that all that matters?

Here’s a few other ways to grow besides financial:

– Grow in giving/reduce taking
– Grow in caring for others
– Grow in ‘lifestyle habits’
– Grow in knowledge
– Grow in family/community
– Grow in balance/wisdom
– Grow in joy

What if, at the end of every year, we took stock of ALL of these measures, along with financial? Would that change behavior?

All of these ideas are tough to measure, but you know it when you have it and when you don’t. Conversely, focusing solely on financial growth is actually destructive in the long-run. In the macro, we build a transactional (rather than trust) mindset into the culture. In the micro, as our financial capabilities grow, so do our waistlines/stress levels, our debt averages, and our disconnection from our fellow man.

So what to do?  Here we have a reason to practice focusing on us. Over time, it may become easier to not react to such desires and really begin to act in a way that brings true growth. If that starts to happen in many people at once, you have the start of a movement away from constant, insatiable, unbalanced financial growth. And then! Who knows what will emerge? Start to think about your metrics of kindness, wisdom, health, fun and balance in addition to your financial growth metric.  Your view of life will change and you will be so much happier and better off without that stress 🙂  You can win everyday in so many other ways.

This blog was encouraged by the Daily Good.  www.dailygood.org – Check it out.

Webman